Dear Reader

So, I figured it was time for another post, but I was to busy relaxing in Psychology class today (it was nap time!!!) to come up with anything. So I am simply going to use an email I got from a friend. Enjoy them, and I am going to go to bed. My nap as apparently not long enough . . .


~Dear U.S. Government,

I do not like this Uncle Sam, 

I do not like his health care scam. 

I do not like these dirty crooks

or how they lie and cook the books.

 I do not like when Congress steals,

 I do not like their secret deals.

 I do not like ex-speaker Nan,

 I do not like this "YES WE CAN."

 I do not like this spending spree, 

I'm smart, I know that nothing's free. 

I do not like their smug replies 

when I complain about their lies. 

I do not like this kind of hope. 

I do not like it. 

Nope, nope, nope.

Sincerely, Dr. Suess.

~Dear Walmart,

Why are you selling Obama Christmas ornaments? Does this mean you condone hanging black men from trees?

Sincerely, a confused customer

~Dear Disney,

Winnie the Pooh: overeater. Piglett: phobic. Tigger: ADD. Rabbit: OCD. Eeyore: depression. christopher robin: schizophrenia.

Sincerely, AP Psych ruined my childhood.

~Dear periodic table,

I see you've forgotten about me...

Sincerely, the element of surprise.

~Dear J.K. Rowling,

Your books are entirely unrealistic. I mean, a ginger kid with two friends?

Sincerely, anonymous.

~Dear unborn son,

Please note that your name will be Luke purely so I can say "Luke, I am your Father" when you question my authority.

Sincerely, soon to be father.

~Dear fourth grader on Facebook,

How are you in a complicated relationship?

Sincerely, what'd he do, steal your animal crackers?

~Dear Walmart,

So, Google and I talked it over and we agreed that you can be in on our world domination plans.

Sincerely, Facebook.

~Dear Martin Luther King Jr.,

I have a dream within a dream within a dream within another dream... What now?

Sincerely, Leonardo DiCaprio

~Dear Kayne West,

Roses are red, violets are blue, if Rebecca Black wins any awards, you know what to do.

Sincerely, the world.

~Dear World,

I think we should seriously consider changing the saying to, 'There are plenty of birds in the sky.' Thoughts?

Sincerely, BP

~Dear Officer,

I can't even say the alphabet backwards when I'm sober! I never took AP Kindergarten.

Sincerely, trying to not get arrested

~Dear gangsters,

I would pants you, but it looks like someone beat me to it.

Sincerely, anonymous

~Dear "I'm not drunk!",

You threw a sock at a midget and screamed "Dobby be free!"

Sincerely, yes, yes, you are.

Dear Mulan,

If you got him to fall in love with you by dressing up like a man, that should send up a few red flags.

Sincerely, just saying.

~Dear "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me",

Try getting hit in the face with a dictionary.

Sincerely, anonymous.

~Dear murderer,

I watched when you splattered my mother's entrails all over the wall. I saw you beat my little brothers and sisters to death. I heard you screeching that you'd come for me next...

Sincerely, spider.

Dear people in Febreeze commercials,

What was going through you mind when someone came up to you in the streets, blind folded you, led you to a crusty old bed, and told you to "BREATH DEEPLY?!"

Sincerely, what part of that did not spell rape?

Dear Math Teacher,

Your ceiling has 86 1/2 tiles, 9 mysterious black stains on said tiles, 4 sprinklers, and 10 lights. Oh, and I forgot to mention... 2/3 of your students aren't paying attention. They're trying to figure out what I'm staring at.

Sincerely, Your Bored Student

Dear Wizard of Oz,

The scarecrow had no brains, tin man had no heart, lion was a coward, and the wizard was a liar.

Sincerely, you've summed up men quite well!

Dear Humpty Dumpty,

We tried... But there's only so much we could do under Obamacare.

Sincerely, All the Kings Men

Dear poets,

Violets aren't blue, they're violet.

Sincerely, reality doesn't rhyme