SPLAT

I never realized Pep-Rallies involved so much whipped cream.

The short classes where nice, the pep-rally funny, but the best part of day? Skipping through the freshman hall at the end. Why, you might ask, is that so great? Because we hadn't gone very far before we fell flat on the floor with a big Ker-SPLAT!

Okay, something must be wrong there. Falling was the highlight of my day? What about the girls digging gummy worms out of whipped cream? Or football players getting hit in the face with whipped cream? Or the teachers getting hit in the face with whipped cream? (moral of the story there, don't become a teacher or play sports. You might get hit in the face with whipped cream) No. Believe it or not, falling was the best part of my day. I am still laughing about it. A few days ago Emma was told not to skip to lunch because it was a twisted form of running. Our response to that? In whose twisted mind is skipping a twisted form of running? Turns out Mr. Dykstra was onto something when he said no skipping. It's dangerous. You could seriously hurt yourself.

Unless you are used to falling, running into parked cars, doing summer-saults over handle-bars, skidding in front of cars in the middle of intersections, slipping on ice, slipping on a puddle, falling up stairs, and just all around clumsiness. I'm used to it. So if you ever see me fall, don't panic. It's okay. I'm just clumsy, its not serious or contagious. I think . . .

Dear Reader

So, I figured it was time for another post, but I was to busy relaxing in Psychology class today (it was nap time!!!) to come up with anything. So I am simply going to use an email I got from a friend. Enjoy them, and I am going to go to bed. My nap as apparently not long enough . . .


~Dear U.S. Government,

I do not like this Uncle Sam, 

I do not like his health care scam. 

I do not like these dirty crooks

or how they lie and cook the books.

 I do not like when Congress steals,

 I do not like their secret deals.

 I do not like ex-speaker Nan,

 I do not like this "YES WE CAN."

 I do not like this spending spree, 

I'm smart, I know that nothing's free. 

I do not like their smug replies 

when I complain about their lies. 

I do not like this kind of hope. 

I do not like it. 

Nope, nope, nope.

Sincerely, Dr. Suess.

~Dear Walmart,

Why are you selling Obama Christmas ornaments? Does this mean you condone hanging black men from trees?

Sincerely, a confused customer

~Dear Disney,

Winnie the Pooh: overeater. Piglett: phobic. Tigger: ADD. Rabbit: OCD. Eeyore: depression. christopher robin: schizophrenia.

Sincerely, AP Psych ruined my childhood.

~Dear periodic table,

I see you've forgotten about me...

Sincerely, the element of surprise.

~Dear J.K. Rowling,

Your books are entirely unrealistic. I mean, a ginger kid with two friends?

Sincerely, anonymous.

~Dear unborn son,

Please note that your name will be Luke purely so I can say "Luke, I am your Father" when you question my authority.

Sincerely, soon to be father.

~Dear fourth grader on Facebook,

How are you in a complicated relationship?

Sincerely, what'd he do, steal your animal crackers?

~Dear Walmart,

So, Google and I talked it over and we agreed that you can be in on our world domination plans.

Sincerely, Facebook.

~Dear Martin Luther King Jr.,

I have a dream within a dream within a dream within another dream... What now?

Sincerely, Leonardo DiCaprio

~Dear Kayne West,

Roses are red, violets are blue, if Rebecca Black wins any awards, you know what to do.

Sincerely, the world.

~Dear World,

I think we should seriously consider changing the saying to, 'There are plenty of birds in the sky.' Thoughts?

Sincerely, BP

~Dear Officer,

I can't even say the alphabet backwards when I'm sober! I never took AP Kindergarten.

Sincerely, trying to not get arrested

~Dear gangsters,

I would pants you, but it looks like someone beat me to it.

Sincerely, anonymous

~Dear "I'm not drunk!",

You threw a sock at a midget and screamed "Dobby be free!"

Sincerely, yes, yes, you are.

Dear Mulan,

If you got him to fall in love with you by dressing up like a man, that should send up a few red flags.

Sincerely, just saying.

~Dear "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me",

Try getting hit in the face with a dictionary.

Sincerely, anonymous.

~Dear murderer,

I watched when you splattered my mother's entrails all over the wall. I saw you beat my little brothers and sisters to death. I heard you screeching that you'd come for me next...

Sincerely, spider.

Dear people in Febreeze commercials,

What was going through you mind when someone came up to you in the streets, blind folded you, led you to a crusty old bed, and told you to "BREATH DEEPLY?!"

Sincerely, what part of that did not spell rape?

Dear Math Teacher,

Your ceiling has 86 1/2 tiles, 9 mysterious black stains on said tiles, 4 sprinklers, and 10 lights. Oh, and I forgot to mention... 2/3 of your students aren't paying attention. They're trying to figure out what I'm staring at.

Sincerely, Your Bored Student

Dear Wizard of Oz,

The scarecrow had no brains, tin man had no heart, lion was a coward, and the wizard was a liar.

Sincerely, you've summed up men quite well!

Dear Humpty Dumpty,

We tried... But there's only so much we could do under Obamacare.

Sincerely, All the Kings Men

Dear poets,

Violets aren't blue, they're violet.

Sincerely, reality doesn't rhyme

70's Returns

It's official. The 70's are back! On our amazing trip to the Mall of America all the stores we went to had the tunic shirts, the leggings, leg-warmers, leather jackets, fringe, floral, flared jeans, one shoulder shirts, boots and my personal favorite, saddle shoes! One of the restaurants was even playing 70's music. Mom and Dad also thought they spotted Elton John, but most likely it was just some random old guy wearing orange crocs and a weird hat. 

We shopped from ten A.M. till about three o'clock, I spent all my money plus some of Tina's, and there were still stores I hadn't even looked at yet. Some of the more interesting stuff I spotted at the Mall of America was a Darth Vader spatula, black and white floral print skinny jeans, ten inch cheetah print heals, a pair of jeans on sale for $118, a simple black cable knit sweater for $60, and oh yeah, and let's not forget the crazy looking people shopping there too! When we walked through the Aquarium we also spotted some HUGE turtles. Seriously HUGE turtles. Like, HUGE. Sharks, another even BIGGER turtle, starfish, seahorses, Dory and Nemo, and these two crazy looking fish that were eating each other.

Before the MOA we also stopped at Cabbella's for Dad. The proud fisherman couldn't leave without a huge fish pillow, Walleye magnet, fish-mouth cup holder, and a fish hook key chain. The animals in the middle where really spectacular. HUGE moose, polar bears, dear, turkeys, black bears, foxes, lynxes, wolves, beavers, squirrels, and mountain goats. They where arranged in "gravity defying" ways, turkeys in flight, dear leaping of cliffs. My favorite part was the Africa exhibit; the elephants, zebras, (which, according to some, aren't cool) vultures, hyenas, and don't forget the lions!

After all that walking around and up and down and around and in and out and then up and down some more, my legs HURT. The Mall of America is super huge, four stories, not including the basement aquarium, with 500 something stores. Of course I have a terrible sense of direction so I took the long way around to the different stores quite often. The four, five, miles we ran Wednesday night on our communist run didn't help much, especially since it has most likely been two years since I last ran.

So combining the run, the drive, the mall, and the drive home, I am super stiff and sore, and am SO glad I can sleep in tomorrow. Still, as much fun as it was, I am glad to be home. Although I am going to miss that hot tub at the hotel . . .